New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
