My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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