Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
