Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
