she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
