I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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