no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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