It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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