I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
