Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
