Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
