My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
