i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
