She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
