When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
