Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
