so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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