do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
