WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Less talking, more tequila
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
