he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
whose parrot is this?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
