Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
