I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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