I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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