How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
