I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
