As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
