I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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