where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
