do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
