hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
