I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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