Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
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