For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There r osticjed everywhere
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
