i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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