I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
