Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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