oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
