Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can't just leave with hair like that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
