laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
