it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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