i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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