he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
