thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
