i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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