doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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