Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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