Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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