im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
