So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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