chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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